But that's not what it was. It was more frustration in myself and the decisions I make in my life. In almost everything I've done, it's at this point that I say: Okay, I've figured it out. Now it's time to go figure something else out.
I've done this a lot. With my crocheting, I very rarely finish a project. I figure out the pattern and how to make the pretty design and then I move on to another challenge. This is only one example.
Another would be my Geology degree. I'm 18 credits away from having a Bachelor's of Science in Geology. What did I do when I got to the last semester? I looked at everything and asked if it was really what I wanted. Did I really want to be a geologist? Did I really want to make that kind of commitment? There are other things that interest me. So, I changed my major and tried some other things, eventually dropping out completely.
Real Estate, Nursing, dare I say marriages as well, they have all fallen victim to my apparent fear of success.
I've gotten some of them figured out. I have finally found a man (actually, we were put together) I can be with, who challenges me and refuses to give up on me. I went from Real Estate into being a stay-at-home mother which I found really satisfying. Finding something to do with my time is what led me to pick up an old interest of writing.
I prayed about this whole thing this morning. So far, I've stayed on the easy side of things. Whether I succeed at producing a book is totally up to me; it's all under my control. Getting people to buy it, putting it out there for people to see--more people to see--that's not under my control and introduces risk.
This is the point where I usually decide to pull up stakes and move somewhere else.
I have a problem, however. I love my characters. This is a story I NEED to get out. I feel like I'm being inspired to write this. This is beyond me.
If I'm going to be an agent of my Heavenly Father, if I'm going to do what he asks me to do--and I feel this is something he's inspiring me to do--then I have to do what it takes to get it out there.
I have to call the magazine... and the t.v. stations. I have to make the appointment for the book signing and the library reading.
Then I have to remember my own advice from just a couple weeks ago and ask myself: How bad do I want it?
I've painted this morning. My living room is shaped like a fat 'L'. The walls are painted what I describe as a Dijon mustard yellow. It's not horrid, but it's not spectacular either. What makes it worse (and most of the houses I've seen in California have this downside) is that the paint is flat. You can't clean flat paint. When you have four teenagers, this is not a good thing. What boggles me, is that the couple we bought the house from raised three kids here. They should know this.
The one side of the living room is very dark. There is 80's style track lighting which isn't very bright and the room is dark. So, I'm painting it a white satin and putting some color into the trim. This is what I've done so far today:
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| Before |
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| After one coat. It's still wet in a couple places. |
I think there will need to be three coats with the roller and two with the brush. That seemed to be what the situation was when we painted my daughter's room. So, tomorrow, I'll start with the second coat of roller, trim in the edges again and then hopefully I can to the third coat and be ready to move the plastic to the next section.
As far as writing is concerned, I'm going to get a couple chapters in Part 2 read and edited. I hope to get them through a grammar program that ISN'T Word. If I still have daylight, I hope to begin the third draft of Part 3 and get the first two chapters rewritten.
Those are my hopes and dreams. The kids will be home soon so I better get started.
Talk to you tomorrow.
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